Mornin' broke over Sock Monkey Ranch and found a dozen or so cowboys swallerin' black coffee in Betsy's mess hall.
"How many cows you reckon you branded in yer life, Tumbleweed," asked Lucky.
"Well, I don't suppose I could give ya a good count on that, Lucky," said Tumbleweed, "but I can tell you the most excitin' time I ever had at brandin'."
"When's that?" Lucky asked.
"We was down in the Cottonwood Basin up in Yavapai County, Arizona a few years back around spring gatherin' time. One of my old saddle pals, Murph and me was runnin' the branding for the Spider outfit. Now, when it's brandin' time everyone in the country comes in to help and we had all the neighbors and their boys in, including the youngsters.
Even, Clarence Dale was up from the Running Bar-B and I'm here to tell ya, that man was a sight! Half grizzly, half wolf, and half tomcat...with the kind of mean that'd make a bobcat blush. t with the kind of mean that'd make a bobcat blush. But he was a danged good cow hand and we was right happy to have him around, especially when we realized there was a mean, one eyed yearling we had to tackle.
Round about time for us to take a break and have some coffee and bacon old Clarence hollered out "Let's go you monks! We ain't here to sit around in the shade like a bunch of old women! First monkey to take a break's a baboon's baby!" Well, naturally we all laughed and started makin' double time.
I whooped up and Murph spurred his horse into the corral, dabbed a rope on that nasty one-eyed yearling and drug him into the pen. We wrestled that walkin' pot roast around for a full two minutes before Clarence got him throwed down and pinned so I could lay a brand on him.
I guess it's important to note a few things here. First off, it was a hot day and Clarence Dale had taken his shirt off. Second, the most shocking thing about Clarence was his hair. I mean, ALL of his hair! It was everywhere. It started at his toenails and ended at his fingernails. Dark brown and thick. Looked like he was wearing a coyote pelt. And the last thing to remember is that when we was throwin' down with that yearling, Clarence's jeans fell down around his ankles.
Well now, I grabbed hold of that branin' iron and layed 'er on there with an extra push just to make sure we got through that yearling's tough old hide. Next thing I know, Clarence Dale jumped about half way to Tuscon with a yelp and a scream the likes of which ain't never been heard before. He kicked and squirmed and ran in circles...the whole time grabbin' at his backside. No shirt, pants around his ankles, screamin' like a baby chimp eatin' his first popsicle.
He finally ran to the water trough and sat down in it. That's when I realized what'd happened. In all the excitement and confusion and with Clarence Dales pants fallen down I'd stuck that hot old brandin' iron right on his left butt cheek!
He's been sportin the Spider Ranch brand ever since.
